xor eax, eax

Change the world or go home !!

Greetings from Highland Delhi


Greetings from HighLand Delhi!

Yes, its a place I found me recently. A small hill. I claim it. I name it. This place gives me peace. So I am here again this morning. Drove all the way in the morning twilight. Here, on this small hill, here while the sun rises, I can flirt with my own thoughts to figure what is the true harvest of my daily life. The journey is not over yet… and it should not be denied.

One of the recent problems I have discovered with myself is that I usually forget that if I stay with an idea or a thought or a job I find ways to get better at it. I am lazy so I invent methods to deal with it. It only takes persistence. And am not too bad at that.

The whole idea of finding yourself this persistence is suddenly kind of rejuvenating. Me and my creative pursuits once again find home.



Strange that we find contentment in not who we are, but who we are trying to be. Yes the former is limiting but isn’t that also capable of joy in small moments. I had a very friend who was perfect at handling me in everything. My small setbacks and not so small ones too. The best pal one can ever wish for. A godsend. She was so much in tune that all of it seemed almost effortless. Effortless to the extent that I would refer to as magical.And I would wonder what did I do to get such a friend. Was I just plain lucky. Or did I earn it. I was happy to have her around. And I hope it was the same for her.

Much later in the story, when she was struggling n crumbling with some tragedies in her life, she let it out that and I realized there was so much effort involved at her end, to make it seem “effortless” to me. She held back her anger, her disappointment. I don’t remember many occurrences but then I was not even aware of it, until lately, when the bridge came down. Now when I look at it, I really value that feeling, that person and those efforts. And I feel blessed, but more than that I feel guilty and irritated that I screwed up and I didn’t realize. I was unaware.

I am of a different kind. I make efforts but I also don’t hold things back. I am who I am and some times that costs me big time. I am as understanding or as rowdy or as jerk as I was. I hold no disguise. Thats perhaps also not right. May be I should. I am not sure but I cant seem to put up with the idea of sharing yourself without sharing who you actually are.

So do I make efforts? Yes I do. I did. Then why does it go wrong? Why aren’t we friends anymore. May be as two individuals we are different, but whatever it was, we did strike the right chords. The time we spent together was no less than good music. It was special. It is worth the effort to play it lifelong. It certainly was. And when that thought hits me, I feel left out, guilty, lonesome and angry.

Life becomes a small world if we don’t reach out for people and keep busy in the humdrum of our daily chores. I have done it to me. May be to punish me or teach me, or may be because I have lost my sense of focus and direction. This business, while it keeps us all engaged, when you actually look at it from a distance, there is not much ground we ‘ve covered. We re good at something and keep getting better or worse at that; while the time trickles away quickly and neatly. And whenever that thought occurs to me, I try to immerse into doing new things. Taking up new hobbies. Random excursions, small yet random things to surprise me; keep me hooked and engaged, but the issue with that is that I don’t seem to finish most of them. They seem low hanging fruits but they continue to just be where they are with not much movement. I pursue them in parallel and that makes me fickle minded. I am not dedicated to either of em. I do this and then that thinking I will love to see me accomplish it and the time passes by. I do accomplish some of them but most of them continue to be unfinished to-do lists. That brings me back to the same vicious circle, where I seek solace and contentment in not who I am but who I want to be.

I sometimes fear if my whole life will pass by doing just this, just like that. Just like that. When will this odyssey end. Will I ever find solace. Will I ever find a companion who would love me for who I am, and not for what I can become or who she would want me to be. Having said that, I know I would willingly accept the change, most of it, if not all. But certainly I don’t like that idea of a barter. I know am at loss but thats that and thats how it is. May be some day I ll learn.

Protected: A page from the diary of August 26th, 2009…


This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

the Delhi Meet…


Okiedokes… At first i wanted to capture this but then I didnt……. and then something happened … Surabhi, the hostess of the meet wrote a post and re-ignited the passions to the dying flame… So herez a random capture of what all happened at the Delhi Meet on August 2, 2009… yea yea.. that was friendship day… A community from orkut planned to meet after almost an year of planing shanning…. proposing and conforming to all the pre-reqs of the meet :P

Agendas… None

Venue: CCD (:P i dont rem what was that place) in New Delhi :D

Time: 12 mid noon

Who All? umm… we know each other for an year now, online that is; these ubercool identities finally thought its time to break out of the coccoon.. but only five of us were brave enough for this frogging :P

Members who finally made it:

Surabhi – the humor queen hostess

Saurabh – What next??

Who am I aka Priy – I am yet to find me :P

Shiney – Am cool !! :)

Navin – I ll capture all of this :P


So on to the story rightaway… I was told there is a meet coming up on August 2nd and i thought “okay it ll be fun!!”…… It surely was!! :D

Just as a matter of fact from past experiences I had my plan B ready I took a book with me just incase…. you know… noone turns up :P yes that happens here in delhi :P specially if its general community other any software thing or entrepreneurial thing…. ppl just dont turn up… :/ Anyway back the story…

I entered the scene… and here z what it was like… I noted two people going yak yak yak and one sitting in a corner observing them kind of silently :P the best part was, they didnt realise, that they changed gears and overtook this candidate whenever she had somethin to say :P bechari…. n somethng quiet astonishing was the fact that the queen wanted to stay longer but the maharajical majesty was bored after he was left with no spice to curry his “What next”….

And our very own humour guru Surabhi .. well her potential is unquestionable and she mantained the pace right throughout :D

Girl you have some talent!! a perfect gossip guerilla …. hats off to her energy and wit !!

whatever came out of her bag was strictly confidential but so very bloggable :P also i must say there was fellow who gained all the focus of the hocus pocus :P right from the start towards the end…. :P I dont recall his name.. but he is known for proposing all the dames in the community :D “Do you have a bry frand? :P ” Okay agreed.. thats too much masala :P

then aayee thodi late lateef who had not clue of the time… or even who she was…. ”who am I?” :P she kept observing people… blushing at intervals… excusing herself for a bad throat :P whenever the needle was pointed to her :P but later on we found out that she z known for her love for pizzas and couches in pizza hut :P

But……..If there is one person who made the most of the meet was who else but Nivi…. She called to speak to everyone and boy she got all the chance to talk to so many of em… “Satsreeakal from Simranjeet”… “hello from Spriglief” (aka Springleaf; courtesy Surabhi)…. kya haal hai from Megha……. and so on….. kya kismat he uski :P and she believed all of it :P LOL!! All the roles and mimickry was again Courtesy the humour queen…. who else Sur madam :P

Yea… One more fellow barged in towards the end of the meet :P and the instant reaction from Priy was to put her bag on the seat just in case…. this gentleman accompanying another fine gentleman who was no less than a model (no kidding here) came right in asked for the phone… made the calls to 911 :p and then flinged the chair and confronted the mankind with the most perplexing gesture.. Hello!! meet?? AP :P

and then vanished in the dark like a shaktiman… boy was he quick…. and determined to just do his job the call i.e. 911 and back to evergreen eversville like Stallone…. kya entry thi by god !! :D

Finally towards the end of the meet our very own christopher columbus; the explorer who literally found half the members onboard and was the so called hostess of the meet who was multitasking all this while …. celebrating a bday party simultaneously; meeting a fella and playing brownie brownie yes papa :P …. dogfighting humor banter with another onboard pilot…. and manuevering the meet proceedings…. also gossiping abcd to xyz…. was finally silenced and quietened and brought under controlled counselling environment :P (that can be another big post .. how n what)….

Waise Surabhi has it defined and very clear either guys in her life are “brother kind of thing” i guess instantly she decides who to put in that category and who in the other :P

tch tch … so many things happened in those six hours..where Saurabh had to control the sync of where thngs are going with his “What next?” We wonder wat made him leave so early :P “What next?”

So What next? :P

I guess tht shd sum up somewat… though I can go on and on with all the things that happened … so many still to cover … may be next time ;)

And i realised we have an invisible monitoring committee at AP :P who keeps all the whereabouts of who z going around wid whom.. and who is seeing whom… and also wat are future probables :P

BEWARE GUYS!!! You are under vigilance !!! and call for thy god if SPOTTEDĀ  by the Gossip guerrillas!!! :P


All this is spiced up banter… no offences meant and no intentions to hurt anyone … so take it lightly and enjoy the story :D Thank you for being patient if u read all this crap. :D U hv some forbearance!!!

… and next time .. try and be at the meet :P

the story of an unborn tree… ;)


A lullaby is sung,
In the timelessness,
Of the quiet wild.
To tell the story,
Of an unborn child.

A seed,
Willing to seed;
COUPLES with the soil,
DEEP in the womb of earth.
Struggling the chill,
The darkness,
For light
To take its birth.

The diamond,
In the sky;
Smiles bright and Loud.
In ALL its glory.
All birds,
Begin to hum;
Our new mate is gonna come !

The wind screams;
The leaves dance;
Air the melody,
In ritual romance.

Playing darts,
To the sound of crickets;
The hustle, bustle, whisper
Of conspiring thickets.
A music of its own;
Celebrating life,
As the seed is sown.

The woods, the wind,
The stream, the earth.
All PARTY to prop its Being
As if …
In a world of Adam and Eves
They are SO capable
Of seeing !!

UNAWARE of this all,
The sepal evolves,
In its world SO SMALL;
Is on a journey,
On an unknown quest;
Against all odds,
To fight its best.
Cuts through the soil,
To breathe fresh air.

Will it come.
They all hope !
To connect the dots,
To untangle the knots.
Will share its experience,
Unravel the mystery
And tell its story.
The story,
Of an unborn tree !

who am I ?


Who am I ..
I am yet to know !
What is my purpose?
Where will I go?

An evangelist,
An enthusiast.
Yearn to know ..
And a wish to last.

Questions all over;
Scattered here and there.
Wanna answer them all,
But not a moment to spare.

I want to chose…
What drives me on?
But will that remain,
When am gone?

A dose of inspiration.
A dash of gain.
Lost in dreams…
Not a bad bargain !

Day donkey;
Throughout the day.
Tagged as nite owl;
Also u can say. :P

Yes …
I am emotional fool they say,
but when times are tough,
I handle, I conduct,
And thats enough !!

Aye captain!!
Am bolted to will;
A desire to win hearts,
And a void to fill.

Grant me lord ??
Each day something anew;
To smile at my doings,
And the wisdom to continue !!

Random thoughts on the move .. Yes i know … This was written for a prompt on Penoramatic Reveries Blog

I wonder …


I wonder
What to choose
At its best
Its creature
At its best

I wonder
What to choose
A few drops of dew
In the morn
On green grass of my fervent lawn
The air conditioned rooms
With a chilled weather in june
A weather
That i can tune

I wonder
What to choose
To see birds fly
In southerly breeze
Fly like a bird
With gas breezing sneeze

I wonder
What to choose
A dewy dawn
With bird chirps
A kingdom
With sirens, gongs
And blowing horns

I wonder
What to choose
A ray of light
From the sun so bright
The microns we slave
To illuminate
Even the darkest corners
Of the grave

I wonder
What to choose
The starry skies
After the jaded twilight
A day so bright
With an endless fight
And almost no night

I wonder
What to choose
A man
With burning flames of desire
A shear ignorance to admire

I wonder
If i am to choose
If it already chose me

I wish
I could chose
Or if
I was to decide
I guess
I am here
Just to abide !!