xor eax, eax

Change the world or go home !!

To you…


There are memories I have, which are vague and fleeting. They cut me as much as they sew the emotions in. I live in nostalgia of what could have never existed. I failed to register it in the same light though. My memories don’t inhabit the same thoughts as yours. Its an unimaginable feeling. Perhaps I have fallen in love and I know no language to express it well. I am dumbfounded. I am numb. Once upon a time, I had so many things to say. Now I have nothing to say to you. Just like you have nothing to say to me. Yet I want to say some things but words are a foreign entity to me, and stories I weave are certainly not defaulting to what we used to talk about and the way we used to.

Call it anxiety or despair. Call it love or things far from love. Call it whatever. It is as intriguing and as disturbing at the same time. Blurry thoughts. Deep brreaths. Light. Darkness. All prevail. It is like there are some aspects of light from the window, that I do not really understand. And not understanding it, well, haunts me.

Quiet often I choose to take a long walk or a nap under the trees or a drive by the fast lanes in the company of incongruous silence. Still it stays. I have been reduced to a thing that only thinks about you; and do so in the quiet human desperate way. Last night I could not sleep till four in the morning. It is absurd the way I love you.

Work is busy and demanding and I am crammed up with ideas all day, yet I cannot seem to dislodge the visions of the way you would smile at me sometimes. It tumbles and violates all the necessary, makes way for itself fairly arrogantly and stays there as if it is its own territory, as if you have a claim. Then everyday, seamlessly, in many countless ways, I convince myself of ourselves and then sack the idea into the pit. Why cant we pack all of this and tame it into some kind of happiness we can together live? It is odd. This stubborn independence we all subscribe to. It strips us of love and leaves everything futile, mundane and inadequate. My wall is down; guards low and it is crazy that now, I don’t  even resent it.

Words here are shrieking in pain, yet I do not intend to share any of it with you. No more. Nothing more.

a world of words


In the recent past, I have been reading a lot. From behavioral economics to design patterns. From historical texts to speculative fiction. From abstraction of objects in software to the beauty of expression in poetries. From humor to the craving need for relationships. From crazy status messages to sensible artifacts that determine the crucible of civilizations. And as I read through these, I have questions. So many unanswered questions. Without much of avenues where I can seek the right answers to these questions. Possibly, I am wasting my time. Or perhaps not, because sometimes it appears as if I am about to have some kind of a eureka moment where I will be able to explain myself the cause and effect of all the things that happen. Something dignified, meaningful and simple to understand. Interestingly, the way we experience our world is pretty much driven by the kind of ideas that fill our minds. I thought reading will help.

Reading helps us clear our mental pipes but we need to also understand that it primes certain kind of behavior out of us in such a way that the air of spontaneity which we experience is sometimes entirely fabricated. This is true of any pre-conditioned experience. Call it associative activation triggered by the most recent and strong impressions of experiences one might have had in the recent times, or call it an automatic search for causality done by the human mind. It is more or less also about the cognitive ease that helps the situation fit in. It could be organic. Or it could primed. There are of course other unexamined nostrums, I am yet to discover. I believe my approach is more of that of an existentialist, than of anything defined by a label, a definition, a role or any other stereotype of whether theology or culture or society as a whole. I determine my being by my own values and consciousness than any preconceived category of essence. Therefore my reading and my findings are an amiable affair. Perhaps also a charming one, but certainly not goal-driven. In simple terms, in a way, you can call me a loner who loves doing things alone and all over again. Perchance, I am again starting to enjoy my solitude.

Recently, I found this newly formed Sanskrit foundation, who are striving to promote Sanskrit as a spoken language. The language is so structured, coherent and dates back to the early vedic era which inclines me to learn it. In fact I volunteered for it too. However, there is a catch. They are goal driven. While I want to learn it, I also do not want to compromise on the existentialist approach of enjoying it with some kind of task and goal orientation. I do not want to associate with it just because there is a need to keep it intact. To help it survive. I ll be dishonest, if I say that is true. My drive is more about valued independence and self reliance. The delicious sarcasm is that you can label that too as some kind of a drive. Well, then so be it.

The same goes about poetry. I found a group of poetry enthusiasts who are fun to listen to, and interact with, but at the same time, they too seemed to be driven by some kind of goal, of pushing and publishing their work; perhaps to derive some commercial value out of it. Or may be just some sense of satisfaction by the fan following. I have encountered this kind of a drive in such groups before, at least twice in the past and have managed to stay away from it. May be it is sheer madness but may be it is not. What about the absolute joy of writing? What happens to that? And a joy of reading that precedes it. Doesn’t that get compromised once you know, you are no longer writing to appease and express yourself but for enthusing others. That discourse is certainly debatable.

Here is another crazy thought. Our resonance and bias with certain said, unsaid traditions lead us to temptation. It infiltrates our actions and intentions. Is that freedom? Is joy freedom? Or is it some kind of illusion. I do not know. I am looking for answers. I have been looking for them since long. Quietly. Secretly. Perhaps it is just about the richness of interaction. Nothing more. It doesn’t provide any kind of incisiveness or profundity. It is some kind of illusion of validity that we all want to conform to. Is that true for all? Or is that also an individualistic notion that precisely I carry with me. I am yet to figure.

Anyway, I am enjoying the perplexed notions. As a next step, I think, I need some sane opposites to measure the chaos. If you have a frame of reference, do you have something to offer?

a collector’s drive


Reading can be so much. And the conversations that follow are even better. I am going through a phase, where ideas are occurring to me in bunches and I am sometimes flummoxed which one to choose and follow, and which one to leave for later. And they are in so much variety with its anchor in the soil ploughing a sense of intelligence, knowledge and experience in me.Whether it is technical, flawsophical, behavioral, emotional, ethical or something else, each of it has a dimension of its own where it is binds the unbound as a collection. So perhaps, I realize I am more of a collector. I collect as many gems as I can. Experience various forms of expression; whether is poetry, prose, painting or plain talk. Just like a kid would collect sea-shells on a shore. He has no idea as to what would he do with it later. The joy of collection is such. The joy of exploration is such. I wish to enjoy it while it lasts.



The sun is long gone below the ridge lines… A moonless starry sky it is. I would fancy some rain here. That is like… Anytime!

Isn’t that a beautiful thought. A beautiful emotion!

Quoting Krauker.

“You are wrong if you think that joy emanates only…. from human relationships. God has placed it all around us… and all you have to do is reach out for it.”

- Jon Krauker, Into the wild.

Silence has its own music. I have had my encounters with it. Like Frazier puts it – “Verbs.. all of them are tiring..” Silence then is what i like most. So this silence today brought me to a pause, that made me think about the various things I enjoy in silence and solitude. So, I created me a random list. To my surprise, the list was long. Here it is.

I love the smell of books – old and new alike.. I love to see the twilight merge in the blue hour… Or perhaps staring into the infinity, absently in the distance, from on top of hill on an abandoned land… Climbing on top of a small cliff gives me a sense of achievement… Sitting on the jumbled rocks with my legs dipped in the running stream gives me peace.. Standing in the ocean when the sand underneath slips away gives me a high…

I love driving through a jungle like terrain to a place leading nowhere..To see the water riffle and then ripple; when I throw stones at the river to kiss its bed several times.

And this is a new addition – seeing the leaves grow greener by the day. In fact there is this tree; tall tree; that one can see from the terrace of my office. I realize every spring when the tree’s leaves go brown, crumble, then fall; and then new delicate leaves appear; get greener by the day, and stronger.. All of this happens in no more than 2 day’s span. Whenever that happens, its like a the memory I d like to keep. Treasure. It is kind of rejuvenating and every year, when it happens, it occurs to me as if it had happened just a couple of days ago. It is SO beautiful to watch!

It perhaps also resonates with our idea of life. How our mind is like a sieve and if we don’t let the ideas flow, they get stale and corrupt.. corrupting the sieve itself.. So it important to let the the fluid flow out of the sieve, so that fresh ones can fill it again.. This change is only natural and should be welcome to sustain the sieve… Much like the tree which sheds its leaves; all its companions that stayed with him through all kinds of seasons; good and bad; wither away in no time. All of them who also provided for the tree, bore fruits, made it look beautiful and content; they crumble, fall and die.. Or perhaps start a new journey… Be someone’s bookmark. Or may be just fade in the dust. Be nobody. Get lost in the crowd. The tree however continues to grow.. Make new leaves… Find new companions.. those get greener by the day.. And the cycle continues.

No matter how short lived, it is important to claim your space. Light your world. Celebrate. Live…and then.. May be write…

In words of Frazier – “A good day is a page, may be a page and a half.

So see you soon again. Till then let “joy” be your companion.


Greetings from Highland Delhi


Greetings from HighLand Delhi!

Yes, its a place I found me recently. A small hill. I claim it. I name it. This place gives me peace. So I am here again this morning. Drove all the way in the morning twilight. Here, on this small hill, here while the sun rises, I can flirt with my own thoughts to figure what is the true harvest of my daily life. The journey is not over yet… and it should not be denied.

One of the recent problems I have discovered with myself is that I usually forget that if I stay with an idea or a thought or a job I find ways to get better at it. I am lazy so I invent methods to deal with it. It only takes persistence. And am not too bad at that.

The whole idea of finding yourself this persistence is suddenly kind of rejuvenating. Me and my creative pursuits once again find home.

a compliment!


So.. the kind of a person I am and if I remember my set of own posts a couple of years ago, I don’t compliment strangers at all. Yet after these moments have passed, and there are several such incidents, some of these moments are so strong that they last. They linger. To even think of it, the kind of society we live in, it does come out weird and creepy. Really. At least that was my notion of it so far. Still is I guess.

Anyway. So, I was having lunch at an outlet today and found this girl sitting right across with a kid. She had a gorgeous smile! These days I don’t catch notice of so many things around. Sometimes willingly. But this incident did have its impression on me. This girl, she did really have a cute smile! …and beautiful eyes! The smile was winsome and cute that it made me break the unsaid tradition and I sent her a compliment. After all what bad could an honest compliment do to anybody :-)

PS: Where did I get her number? Well thats another story. But after she had left. The urge was such, that I fished it.

a trigger to find my soul


I had a quick yet introspective conversation with my best friend last night. A lot of it made sense. I am looking forward to the happy times ahead. May God Bless you dear with whatever it is that you seek.


call for the wild


Want to adopt a helter skelter style of life for a while! A new and different one. Too much civilizing and schedule is boring. Our inclination to settle down with the order and need; is likely fail us to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us, to find and discover. These days there is somewhere deep down a strange calling for an unconventional living.

Here is a song that I heard somewhere playing in the evening and is inline with the thought somewhat. And this reminds me of a friend of mine – Mansi; who sings it really well. She is too good.


Na hum tum
Chalein tedhe medhe se raston pe nange paanv re
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Na hum tum
Phire jaake almast pehchani rahon ke pare
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Inn timtimati nigaahon mein
Inn chamchamati adaaon mein
Luke hue
Chhupe hue
Hai kya khayal baawre..

Na hum tum
Chale zindagi ke nashe mein hi dhut sarphire
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Na hum tum
Talashein bageechon mein phursat bhari chhanv re
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Inn gungunati fizaaon mein
Inn sarsarati hawaaon mein
Tukar tukar yun dekhe kya
Kya tera haal baawre

Na lafz kharch karna tum
Na lafz kharch hum karenge
Nazar ke kankadon se
Khamoshiyon ki khidkiyan
Yun todenge mila ke mast baat phir karenge

Na harf kharch karna tum
Na harf kharch hum karenge
Nazar ki syahi se likhenge
Tujhe hazar chitthiyaan khamoshi jhidkiyaan
Tere pate pe bhej denge

Sunn khankhanati hai zindagi le
Humein bulati hai zindagi
Jo karna hai wo aaj kar
Na isko taal baawre
Ye aha ha

Na hum tum
Chalein tedhe medhe se raston pe nange paanv re
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Na hum tum
Phire jaa ke almast pehchani raahon ke pare
Chal bhatak le na baawre

Inn timtimaati nigaahon mein
Inn chamchamati adaaon mein
Luke hue
Chhupe hue
Hai kya khayal baawre


The idea of freedom


Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.
- Mahatma Gandhi

However, freedom to err does not mean that you err on purpose. :P

So, what is the idea of freedom for a common man? And what does it actually mean?

These are some of the questions that got triggered by a mail that arrived in my box this morning. This mail was from Nimue, an avid blogger who i know for years now. She invited perspectives and opinions on the idea of freedom and belief in a character; fictional or real; that impresses oneself towards the idea of freedom or someone who you feel needs it more than anyone else.

For me these translated to a series of thoughts; freedom as a liberty to someone who has it by birth and freedom for those who earned it in their lives. After having read, observed and analysed both the kind, i feel that the idea of freedom, requires more introspection. I found a huge difference in the beliefs of the two.

The idea of freedom to a common man today is fairly limited, in terms of expression and freewill. It is freedom from suppressed notions and oppression.

You would argue the aforesaid to be true and I don’t disagree. However let me pose a scenario for you. In older days, when there was monarchy. A king would mean to be one of the freest individual of his expression, desire and freewill. However is his idea of freedom untouched by the conspiring courtiers, manipulated truths, flattery and endless whispers of lies in his surroundings? Is he actually free? I fear that is not the case. A person in his position of manifested absolute freedom, usually would find himself in a truth that he wants to see and the lies that he wants to believe in. Unless he is observant and aware enough of his doings for the subjects and is able to freely execute his plans for the greater good of his people, he is not free. He is free only if he is devoid of conspiracies and practice of unscrupulous tactics around him and still is able to do what he wants. And so I believe there have been an approach to grow them into philosopher kings; so that he is free of temptation and greed, lies and materialism; while at the same time is strong and driven enough to take charge of situations for his subjects which translates to free of fear. Freedom is taking the higher ground to look over others, not to command them or attack them, but to lead them to greater good. Freedom, in that sense I find very liberating.

Now about a common man. When I look around, I often see freedom observed among people, in a similar exploited sense. I see it as craving for immense power. Atmosphere of distrust. Antipathy. Organized propaganda. And greed. Lured into temptations, these have started to impress the mind freed from moral servility. Thus I believe, freedom that is aspirant to better external conditions; keeping aside the moral values and human dignity, is more of a kind of slavery to the unjust and irrational. It is not freedom in the truer sense. Or may be it is just freedom for an individual not to the whole as a society, and that in my opinion is more about freewill and less about freedom. Common men would almost always argue how their freedom is driven not by them but by the society they live in and mostly the society would make them curb on certain things, thoughts and ideas. My response to them is your freedom is less driven by external forces and more by your internal ones, if you choose to take charge, you are free. Else, you are no more than a weakling and a weakling is not free in his spirit, let alone anything otherwise.

Whatever freedom is today to man, it has become feeble and at the same time merely a thing of the external circumstances. Why I say so has a reason to believe that freedom in itself should also be free from the devious channels of unctuous hypocrisy, lies and human indignity. The society as a whole is plagued with false hopes and fear led by manufactured panics; much of the conspiracies plotted as an organized lie to manipulate the people as instruments tuned to power games and economic gains. With all the flattery and praise around for power, popularity and sometimes led by mere notions to get recognized, freedom is no longer a device for self-actualization. It is curtailed. Diminished to the infinity. Rock bottom you can say. Freedom should not just be of individual but of a society that he is a part of. Isnt this more of a gorgeous glamorous prison of unreality? Or has unreality become our reality?

With my reservations and fear of sounding pessimistic to you, I have to grind teeth to some harsh truths. People are flattered to believe that they are free, they live in a sovereign nation and have the freedom to choose, express and enjoy their apparent liberty. However little do they know that their thoughts are fashioned, crafted and aligned to the organized interest of those who want to lead. Their opinions as well are part of insinuation of lies; much more artificial and verily exploited, tied to the commercial and economic driven ideas of the capitalists. We choose to close our eyes to the injustice and inhumane that is prevalent and all around us. Whether it is an outcome of terror or choice is not the real question. The question is to the cruel coward that is sheltering happily in our minds. People have become morally incapable, ruthless and inhuman. Is this the idea of freedom we want to believe in? The eagerness to curry favor from those in power and to be in those positions has become the goal of a common man. This perpetual anxiety and the protection of personal gains at the cost of love of freedom and readiness to forgo liberty and justice for all is sometimes more than disheartening to see. Yet we do the same to others when we steer the lead.

Freedom, thus I believe is also liberation in the spiritual context that is also just, to the idea of a society than only to some individual. It is not just an idea of free expression. Nor is it only political freedom or freedom to do what you want. Freedom provides us the opportunity to attain enlightenment of soul. In the bigger picture that leads to comprehensive social and cultural growth, apart from the self actualization and self illuminance. This truth I find in the belief Mahatma had for freedom. And so did Gurudev.

Finally, let me leave you with some of the quotes about the idea of freedom.

“Violent means will give violent freedom. That would be a menace to the world and to India herself.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.”
- Ronald Reagan

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”
- Nelson Mandela

The need for “absolute truth” in our lives…


Truth. What is it? I have been racking my brains over a piece I recently read. It was a conversation between Einstein and Tagore. Both of them were talking about the absolute truth. How it connects to the human world around us and what is its significance in life as we see it.

Here is the excerpt.



Near Potsdam is a small place called Caputh. There, upon a hill, stands a brown wooden house with a red tile roof. Round about, like sentinels, stand the slim trunks of pine trees. In the wooden villa dwells the mathematician, Albert Einstein.

At about 4 o’clock one recent afternoon Rabindranath Tagore walked along the sandy path to the house. he wore a suit of soft, blue cloth; he leaned a bit forward as he walked and one hand was bent behind his back. Beside him stood sturdy, erect Einstein …

TAGORE: You have been busy, hunting down with mathematics, the two ancient entities, time and space, while I have been lecturing in this country on the eternal world of man, the universe of reality.

EINSTEIN: Do you believe in the divine isolated from the world?

TAGORE: Not isolated. The infinite personality of man comprehends the universe. There cannot be anything that cannot be subsumed by the human personality, and this proves that the truth of the universe is human truth.

EINSTEIN: There are two different conceptions about the nature of the universe – the world as a unity dependent on humanity, and the world as reality independent of the human factor.

TAGORE: When our universe is in harmony with man, the eternal, we know it as truth, we feel it as beauty.

EINSTEIN: This is a purely human conception of the universe.

TAGORE: The world is a human world – the scientific view of it is also that of the scientific man. Therefore, the world apart from us does not exist; it is a relative world, depending for its reality upon our consciousness. There is some standard of reason and enjoyment which gives it truth, the standard of the eternal man whose experiences are made possible through our experiences.

EINSTEIN: This is a realization of the human entity.

TAGORE: Yes, one eternal entity. We have to realize it through our emotions and activities. We realize the supreme man, who has no individual limitations, through our limitations.

Science is concerned with that which is not confined to individuals; it is the impersonal human world of truths. Religion realizes these truths and links them up with our deeper needs. Our individual consciousness of truth gains universal significance. Religion applies values to truth, and we know truth as good through own harmony with it.

EINSTEIN: Truth, then, or beauty, is not independent of man?

TAGORE: No, I do not say so.

EINSTEIN: If there were no human beings any more, the Apollo Belvedere no longer would be beautiful?


EINSTEIN: I agree with this conception of beauty, but not with regard to truth.

TAGORE: Why not? Truth is realized through men.

EINSTEIN: I cannot prove my conception is right, but that is my religion.

TAGORE: Beauty is in the ideal of perfect harmony, which is in the universal being; truth is the perfect comprehension of the universal mind. We individuals approach it through our own mistakes and blunders, through our accumulated experience, through our illumined consciousness. How otherwise can we know truth?

EINSTEIN: I cannot prove, but I believe in the Pythagorean argument, that the truth is independent of human beings. It is the problem of the logic of continuity.

TAGORE : Truth, which is one with the universal being, must be essentially human; otherwise, whatever we individuals realize as true, never can be called truth. At least, the truth which is described as scientific and which only can be reached through the process of logic – —in other words, by an organ of thought which is human. According to the Indian philosophy there is Brahman, the absolute truth, which cannot be conceived by the isolation of the individual mind or described by words, but can be realized only by merging the individual in its infinity. But such a truth cannot belong to science. The nature of truth which we are discussing is an appearance; that is to say, what appears to be true to the human mind, and therefore is human, and may be called maya, or illusion.

EINSTEIN It is no illusion of the individual, but of the species.

TAGORE: The species also belongs to a unity, to humanity. Therefore the entire human mind realizes truth; the Indian and the European mind meet in a common realization.


EINSTEIN: The word species is used in German for all human beings; as a matter of fact, even the apes and the frogs would belong to it. The problem is whether truth is independent of our consciousness.

TAGORE: What we call truth lies in the rational harmony between the subjective and objective aspects of reality, both of which belong to the superpersonal man.

EINSTEIN: We do things with our mind, even in our everyday life, for which we are not responsible. The mind acknowledges realities outside of it, independent of it. For instance, nobody may be in this house, yet that table remains where it is.

TAGORE: Yes, it remains outside the individual mind, but not the universal mind. The table is that which is perceptible by some kind of consciousness we possess.

EINSTEIN: If nobody were in the house the table would exist all the same, but this is already illegitimate from your point of view, because we cannot explain what it means, that the table is there, independently of us. Our natural point of view in regard to the existence of truth apart from humanity cannot be explained or proved, but it is a belief which nobody can lack – —not even primitive beings. We attribute to truth a superhuman objectivity. It is indispensable for us – —this reality which is independent of our existence and our experience and our mind – though we cannot say what it means.

TAGORE: In any case, if there be any truth absolutely unrelated to humanity, then for us it is absolutely non-existing.

EINSTEIN: Then I am more religious than you are!

TAGORE: My religion is in the reconciliation of the superpersonal man, the universal spirit, in my own individual being.


Much later after reading this piece, I was having a conversation about “the role of truth in our lives” with my colleagues Vikram(43) and Himmat jee(59) in my office the other day. Both of them are well read, are almost twice my age; which means have seen, heard and lived their experiences of life and things. So usually when we have such discussions I pick their brains and put my two cents to buy as much as I can. So in this particular path of illumination, Vikram coined one of the terms “Honest abstractions”. This was when Himmat jee entered.

So what exactly do you mean by “Honest abstractions”? Was his question to him.

Honest abstractions according to Vikram must be something that is felt in past, nurtured with passionate emotions without any corruption or detour to the feeling that one is subscribed to, so dearly and so honestly that no matter what it means to him, he would not betray from that truth.

I questioned him back – “What you are talking about is much already prevalent in its own form. Isn’t this much like religion?”

He had no satisfactory answer.

While I agree such a thing that he pointed could exist. I also am pressed to believe that it may not hold true in the universal context. And that, truth is only true in a context. Every truth has a premise. There is rarely a thing called universal truth. It much depends on a confine. That confine is sometimes universal but at other times may not be rightly so.

Much ahead in the conversation, following a trail of stories and discussions involving Tagore, Einstein, Hitler, Gandhi, Marx and communist rule in China, there is another term that got coined that registered its existence – “benevolent dictatorship”. Vikram believes with appropriate means of measurement, exercise and system to support it, is probably the right way to deal with most of the truths behind and ahead us. Now this statement is much in question. However, it did bring in some more thoughts that were not so easy to do away with and discard. While people may agree to choose a leader who would lead and be the stronger voice in judging what is right or wrong, good or bad in the “global context” with a greater appeal to the “greater good” whether it is dependable or not is under a lot of questions.

We(Himmat jee and myself) did not completely agree with the aforesaid, but were in sync that if such a system is to work, media and people should have freedom to express. Much like it is with the internet. Anyone can express anything, but not everything gets read and followed and talked about. The mass, by inherent reason of choice on various parameters categorizes, tags and chooses what they want to believe in or talk about. This could lead to a false acceptance sometimes; subject to trend, popularity and so on. However, there is an intelligence of certain level, that works out the penetration and reach of every information propagation, no matter what the channel is, or how it is infused in the system. This is also pretty much the reason for chaos, because everyone writes and everyone shares. The information may not be true, may not be validated, may not even make sense. Yet it gets shared and gets it due rating on the interestingness scale of the masses. Thus much of this user generated content is also nonsense. Refer to the Facebook status messages for instance.

However, this brought up another interesting concept. We all look for answers to a lot of questions these days. Internet has liberated us. The vast sea of knowledge that is available out there to explore and backed by the fact that its free, is simply amazing and at the same time exhilarating. These days we are so much into googling our answers that the even Google is finding patterns and is trained in the process to templatize and bring in AI. It knows what to show us, by guessing what we may be looking for. It does so by working out a lot of patterns trying to identify the type of searches and questions we ask of it. Now this is done to satisfy us most of the time with the right answers and better rate of satisfaction. However, this poses a serious threat to the randomness. Whatever I search for is catered to after referring the historical path I have tread on previously. Doesn’t that hinder the randomness sometimes that I am looking for? Doesn’t it make it more pseudorandom? Is that what I am looking for? I don’t think so. What happened to the “absolute truth”? What about absolute randomness?

Coaxed and stimulated by the long conversation I had with the two of them has inspired me to explore further. To know the intricacies of a human mind aggressing for the absolute truth. To some, this conversation might sound meaningless and inert. To me it intrigues enough to realize the path that I am to chose. This also translates in some way to the harmony of self-adjusting truth and self-inflicted pain by compromising on the truth as you see it and one believes it. On a totally separate note, but following the same school of thought, listen to this. The spirit of every relationship could be a marvellous achievement with such transparency and faith among each other perfecting the co-ordination of functions. Dont you think? And absence of it may mean a false life, full of illusions greeting the heart, eating the soul.

I was talking to another friend on a similar topic and I said something that I now find profound.

No world is virtual. No world is unreal. It is what we create for ourselves. It exists. Whether on internet, in our minds, in our books, in our poetry or in silence. It is as true and as real as human breath. Yet we get led than lead our perceptions after analysis. We believe without question. We torture and kill the creative spirit in us. We chose to lie. And lie becomes our truth. We aspire and value this illusion in our relationships too. We chose to hide. Doesn’t that corruption question the bond. Isn’t that betrayal? Yet we religiously subscribe to it. Sometimes probably just to win a conversation.

It takes absolute determination and power to choose to tread this path of belief. The path of truth. I know of one such man I have been reading lately. Gandhi. Isn’t that why people followed him with so much faith. While there may be many other reasons. Political. Apolitical. Or some other more. He has managed to grab my attention with his undisturbed faith in believing in his truth. Probably because he was ready to give up everything that he had? Okay that may or may not be true. Yet he did give up a lot of things. At least he risked it with or without fear. While many do believe in their truths religiously, they do not earn the respect that Gandhi earned from people at the larger level; from kinsmen and foreigners alike. So there was certainly something about him.

Gurudev and Mahatma both believed in their own truth with utmost sincerity. Probably this is what “Honest abstraction” of truth actually means. (Just for the record their truth and belief was different and uncommon.) We have our eyes that link us to our vision of the physical universe. We have our ideas, thoughts and luminous imagination that link us to our vision of the universe of personality; the true inner sanctity of which would lead in a sense to our moral immortality. A conscious realization of this to me is no less than divine. Isn’t that the idea of God? Or isn’t that what it should mean? Is absolute truth religion? No. I dont agree. Not in the current scenario. In fact probably that never was the case. Yet I do have an inkling of belief that the concept of religion may have started so.

Coming back to the idea of God from religion. I still have a lot of questions to ask. I do not believe in God. I am yet to realize a rendezvous with him. I mean the moral immortality. I would not agree to what a preacher or a book says about God, if at all he exists. To me that is still in questions, if he exists at all. It is a mystical belief people aspire to; some for right and many for wrong reasons. Science may tell us that truth independent of our conscious beliefs. In true sense an “honest abstraction”. People of religion, I believe with their misguided conducts and concepts, mostly have failed to acknowledge this truth.

Some of the truths that we aspire to believe these days are driven by consumerism, capitalism, power and politics(perhaps these days religion is one of them). What Google offers us as “intelligent search results personalized for us” is no less driven by this consumerism. The results define the patterns for their ads. It is dependent on capitalism, of what else should be exposed along with the “honest abstraction” of requested information. The information served to us is permeated and filtered at a lot of other levels unknown to the man; at times also unknown to its creator. The augmentation of this dimension gets doomed when one follows in belief, overwhelmed in exaggerated fury of extravagance. Indefinite pursuit of this qualitative lie may often lead to an adorable splendour. Perhaps, mostly a glorified lie.

This requires more contemplation. More analysis. More thought. So, I will let this quest continue. So far I see, there is a kind of duality in man’s nature; in the expression of truth and the renunciation of it. And I see there is a long way to go. There is a lot to comprehend. There is ignorance of insanity and there is harmony of a rational mind. There is sense of perception, reason and imagination. Much needed of all, there is realization of truth in every relationship. Is it as much required as harmony courted by all? We settle for harmony and discard the truth. How good or bad is it? Does it even register in your life? Does it count? I am curious to know.

PS: Much of this got triggered by the blog posts I have been reading lately. I could sense something was missing in them. What exactly? I do not know. Yet I could sense there is a missing piece.

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