Two questions that have been and continue to be with me all the time are:
1. How to know what I want?
2. How to deal with what I want?
Some background
I am a work zombie. More of a computer zombie actually. I never stop thinking about whatever project I am working on, and I don’t consider to limit what I do. Never have. I avoid almost everything to my work. Now this brings sufferings to other aspects of my life. Which I am to bounce off here. Being in a position I am in my company, I gotta write everyday, work with the most creative, enthusiastic people, hold meetings with interesting
When you don’t love what you do, it sucks. I took a lotta time to figure out what I actually wanted to do in my life. Ever since we are kids, we are asked “What is it that you wanna become when you grow old “. Most of us answer that I want to be a pilot, firefighter, actor, rocket scientist and what not. Most of us all end up doing something completely different. I remember, every time i was asked this question I came up with a different answer. I wanted to be everything and feared to end up doing nothing. So, the solution, was to find something which I loved to do the most and will continue to do so all my life. So I prepared myself a list of what all I wanted to do and what all i liked to do. Something like a Bucket List. The list went three pages long. ooops .. Was I confused to greater degree. Difficult to say. I figured out I wanted to do almost everything. How can that be? We all got fixed roles. Perhaps, I was about to retire the thought when it struck me how exciting would it be to wear the coat of an Entrepreneur and do things which are not limited to one specific role or dimension. Wouldn’t be complete, I know, but I guess that was my best bet.
The second tiger question that confronted me was how to go about it. I didnt knew. And perhaps would have never known if I didn’t meet this passionate & versatile creature from the wired world or should i say wified world, who was also into similar fixture. Lets call him V. We started as freelancers. It kicked for both of us. Now this, did take some time but it wasn’t really that hard, given the fact how amazing the market is, how un-political people are and how bearish deals are 
.. Given the fact that we had nothing much to risk, no capital, not even experience .. Should I say I was in the right place at the right time… 
Now the only issue that remains and keeps coming back, is Stress. One can love what you do but still it is a problem managing the crunch that comes with it. It’s intimidating. Specially, in the startup world, one has to learn to face what we do as one big giant game of gamble. Stress at work is devil and Crunch in life is a bigger monstrous devil. Am being subjected to one such monster these days. Ugly monster… Don’t ask me to define…
Some amount of stress is good, coz it warns us to things, which we need to focus on. Our lives, in the technological perspective is not very easy to live. We are blessed to play in a virtual dynamic space, usually which has not much of a significance while we are at it. Its what it can turn into. Its a big bug fun game we are all into, which might change the perspective of how we look at things. Nothing more. It might succeed, it might not. We all plan to make it work. We all dream to realise it. Even I do. To run big projects, that become big businesses. Yet if they don’t, all I plan to do is just move on and do it again. Simple. Easy. Fair. Aint it..
Now let us subject the same crunch to our lives. Its still a mystery to me. Some bloody big questions are haunting me, waiting to get answered. So here I am to work it out. I have been facing the music for some while now and the stress factor has been decombing the priorities I have in my life. Nah .. Probably nothing much serious happened at work which brought me into this Rajesh Khanna’s lymphocercoma of intestine. It’s probably the OTHER aspects I was talking about. Ones which i need to rationalize. Rediscover. How? Yet to realize. So I called up my friend, my mentor, to help me settle the equation. Lets call her M. M picked the call only after I gave her 3 full rings. She z busy n all time occupied but she is the right person to tackle me and my stupid nonsensical talks. So the fourth call goes .. grrrnngg grrrrnngg .
Me: Hello ..
M: Hi..
Me: am Bored ..
M: haha ..n you called me ..
Me: yep .. I had to pass it on to someone.
M: Dont bother me .. Go find a gurl
Me: heheh .. :P .. Where
M: How do I know. Go some place. Go out. Meet new people .. Strangers
Me: I do that everyday. but they become my clients or they already are.
M: Not clients re ..
Me: Hmm .. am getting freaky .. pissed off working 24×7x365
M: Take a break. Go out.
Me: Where
M: Dunno, Just Go.
Me: Hmm.. Alone.. Where ..
M: Go alone. Go to some place. a Trek.. may be.
Me: Time kahan hai.. (Who has time for all this)
M: Go for two days. weekend or may be even one day. Take a day out.
Me: Hmmmmm…
M: Go to some place. There are so many places.
Me: Hmmm..
M: Or better .. go for some adventure sport.
Me: I have other things to take care of n Prioritise.
M: Tats wat .. priorities.. You need to redefine it may be ..
Me: I dnt know
M: Do unexpected things. Things that make you happy.
Me: Work makes me happy but am pissed off now…
M: Hmm.. Not work ..Go out ..
Go for a trek.. Or may be go to some hotel.
Stay there for two days .. come back
You can go places you havent been. Go see the Taj
Me: I have seen that.
M: In the night?
Me: No …
M: They say its very different in the night. Very romantic.
Me: Uhuh ..
M: a long pause …
Me: Hmmm… I think you are right.. I need a break. I ll plan something.
M: Dont plan .. Just go..
Me: Okay .. I ll go .. I ll go this weekend.
M: Good !! Go …
Me: Hmm …
To be continued …
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